Today

I stood outside the cavern again today.  The whispering was more distinct.  It had a sibilance that felt alien to my ears.  Not Narn.  I would like to say that I leaped into action and explored the cavern.  

But I do not lie to you, Dear Reader.

I left.  I went back to the village as if willing people to be there would make Narn sprout from the ground.  I explored the village thoroughly.  The people moved on as a choice, not hurried in any way.  You can tell because the remnants of the village are neatly placed in the town square.  Looters would not have been so polite.  What is left is not worth keeping.  I looked through the trash to excuse my resistance to the path I needed to take.  As if long forgotten, broken crockery is the reason I am here.

Now I look down on the ruined base.  From here it seems so innocent.  Yet the people left.  Was it a feeling of oppression?  Dread?  Malice?

I can remember running for my life as the base exploded around me.  Could there be something there?  Is it like the other base with the underground caverns as well as the city above Dare I leave it for someone else to finish?  

Was my dream correct?  Have I become an old man?

My name is G’Quan and I am a fool.  I am a doddering idiot.

Yes, there are creatures in this ruined base.  They are creatures of Darkness.  And they have captured me.   I thought I was going to surprise them. I was the one surprised.  It is as if they knew I was here.  They were waiting for me to come into the structure. They are so alien from us.  They captured me and tossed me in here with much regard at all.  I do not see any others here.  I have not seen them either.

I do not even know how long I have been here.  I know it cannot have been weeks because I still live though I am starting to weaken.  I have liquid from the walls, but I have not eaten in a while and my stomach is cramping from the emptiness.  They have not brought any food or drink to me.  I am not a prisoner in their eyes.  I am a pest that was trapped.  Like a pest, there is no plan to keep me alive. I can find no escape.  The walls are solid bedrock.  The opening is shut with some force that will not allow me to pass through.  Not just painful  Pain I would endure to escape.  Somehow the empty air just refuses my exit.  

I spent hours trying to get out.  I screamed to get their attention, but they ignore me.  Why would anyone care about the complaints of vermin?  

No one will ever find me.  My bones will mold in this cage, unsung.  Ironic ending to my story, is ti not?  To go from a simple farmer to the Leader of the Narn people, only to die unremembered in the prison of my enemies.  Lost forever.  

I laugh at the idea despite myself.  Why not?  When the options are to laugh or cry, I always choose the former.  This time I may be laughing myself to death.  

Dear Readers

The Darkness is in all of us, Dear Reader.  The best kept secret of the Narn is the Darkness that lives in me.  Everyone wants the hero to always be wise and brave.  The hero is always the shining beacon of light in a world of darkness.  How could G’Quan not be the bravest and strongest and wisest of all Narn?  He ruled the Narn as Leader of the Ka’Rhi for most of a century.  He shaped the Narn and chased the Darkness from Nar’Shal.  

Simply speaking… it is an impossible task. To rid the world of that which lives in all Narn.  Easier to ask us all to lose our spots.

I have fallen down this hole many times.  I can put on the brave face and take care of the essential things.  I will never stop working for my people.  In some ways, it is a balm for my lonely Chad’Rasha.  Always busy, even with the most trivial things.  It keeps me from doing even less useful activities.  As if playing knives or sitting in a bar drinking is a useful activity.  There is so much more I should be doing, but instead I do the least useful.  And then I am angry with myself for neglecting more important tasks.

Like telling my story.  I have failed you, Dear Reader.  For months I have been hiding in my work and neglecting this tome.  Some of the tasks were very important, but others…  they are the trivia that never needs to be done.  They are the warm blanket you put over your head to ignore the monsters.  As if the monsters go away because you hide from them. They wait for you, Dear Reader.  They must only be patient.  You cannot hide forever.

Sometimes they already are under the blanket with you.

I have no apology for my actions.  Those who love me do not require it and, for the rest, no apology would be adequate.  I merely explain my actions and my absence.

The Darkness within is the most insidious of all.  It eats at you.  It knows your weaknesses and can use them to devastating effect.  It is the quiet monster under the blanket, mocking your attempts to be safe.

Like all Darkness, it can only be defeated by the light.  For many years I relied on my friends to help me in times of Darkness.  Pa’Koth, for all his flaws, was still a light bringer.  He was the calm in my storm.  He provided strength when I had none left of my own.  His loss was immeasurable.  

But he is gone.  Lost in a way I cannot overcome.

Sometimes you are all alone in the Darkest hour.  You must become your own strength.  Your own beacon.  It takes time and can strip you down to your very essence.  You can become Lost a thousand times in the Dark.  You may never escape.  You must search for the light.  It is inevitably harder than having someone bathe you in theirs.  I only hope it is worth the price that is paid.

Thank you for your continued support.  You, Dear Readers, humble me.

Вавилон 5: Сезон 2Babylon 5: Season 2

Вавилон 5: Сезон 2
Babylon 5: Season 2

Вавилон 5: ЛиньерBabylon 5: Lennier

Вавилон 5: Линьер
Babylon 5: Lennier

The legendary @neil-gaiman made his American…

The legendary @neil-gaiman made his American television debut writing the only episode of B5 not authored by Joe Straczynski since late Season 2. Was this mystical character piece too much of a departure from the “house style”? What the heck was Morden doing in Lennier’s quarters? We bring back the Space Mob’s biggest fan, first-time B5 watcher Steven Schapansky, for a fresh look at a story by a pre-American Gods and Coraline storyteller.

Chat thread for those who beware of spoilers

Chat thread for those who fear not the spoilers

galathea-snb: Some must be sacrificed, if all …

galathea-snb:

Some must be sacrificed, if all are to be saved.

Вавилон 5: Сезон 1Babylon 5: Season 1

Вавилон 5: Сезон 1
Babylon 5: Season 1

This episode has epic ’90s computer matte comp…

This episode has epic ’90s computer matte compositing of a balcony, set to a particularly stirring Christopher Franke score!

Oh, and Garibaldi does the secret agent thing, hamstrung by his return to the bottle; G’Kar becomes the Narn Pope; Franklin gets a job offer (name-checking a character not mentioned in 99 episodes), and Londo inadvertently fingers his own government. Just another ordinary day in the life of Babylon 5–in our 100th episode!

Chat for episodes 0-99

Chat for episodes 101-???

It’s the end of the Byron arc, in dramatical…

It’s the end of the Byron arc, in dramatically tragic fashion–which means it is of course time for our own harbinger of doom, Jason Snell, to return to delight in misfortune.

Chat thread for remaining spoiler-free

Chat thread full of spoiler potential

The two threads–the telepath colony crisis a…

The two threads–the telepath colony crisis and the secret Centauri attacks on ISA ships–get pulled tighter together, with an unexpected rescue of Na’Toth (the real one!) and an entirely expected return of Bester. We’d call it the calm before the storm, but it’s not very calm….

Chat thread for those in the know

Chat thread for those who don’t want to know