Rebuilding

“Do you have to build every home yourself?”

G’Lan does not understand.  I want to build every home, every business, even every temple myself.  I want to touch each building.  I want to plant every tree.  If I could I would do everything.

But I can’t tell him that.  His old bones are creaking these days.  His spots dull with lack of sunlight.  If it weren’t for his followers he probably wouldn’t ever leave the castle.  I do not know his age, but he is probably near 100 years of age.  An age at which many Narn would have been left in the forest in the days of my youth.

I wonder if he thinks of that as well.

But, I did have to respond to his chiding.  He was reminding me that I too am past “middle age” and approaching that time of my life where I will start to be considered “old G’Quan.”

I feel in my own bones the start of age.  Little pains that as a youth I would never have had.  Stiffness.

Maybe my interest in building homes and making parks is more to ensure that I do so when I can. Recognizing that there will be a day when I will watch the world instead of acting upon it.

But that day is not today.

“G’Lan, I believe as the Leader of the Kha’Ri I should be overseeing the implementation of our plans.”

“No, you just want to play.”

“Is that such a bad thing?  Shouldn’t work be something you can enjoy?”

The pause in the conversation makes me realize that I have hit upon the issue at the heart. Perhaps G’Lan has never found work to be enjoyable.

Or maybe he has not found joy in it most recently.  I remember before the War he seemed to be in his element in his special role within the government.  Chosen by the gods.  God Named. He was special. Now – in this world – a G’ name is no longer special.  He is no longer special.  

Except for living in a castle and being a Leader of the world.  Yes, except for that.

“You enjoy getting dirty,” he asked accusingly, “You enjoy working yourself to exhaustion?”

“I still enjoy a good day’s work” I replied hotly.

“Yes, I forgot.” he noted bitterly.  “You were a member of the tenth circle once.  They aren’t useful for much more than manual labor.”

In shock I just left him there.  I had nothing more to say.  

Posted in babylon 5, book of g'quan, g'quan, narn