The Darkness is in all of us, Dear Reader. The best kept secret of the Narn is the Darkness that lives in me. Everyone wants the hero to always be wise and brave. The hero is always the shining beacon of light in a world of darkness. How could G’Quan not be the bravest and strongest and wisest of all Narn? He ruled the Narn as Leader of the Ka’Rhi for most of a century. He shaped the Narn and chased the Darkness from Nar’Shal.
Simply speaking… it is an impossible task. To rid the world of that which lives in all Narn. Easier to ask us all to lose our spots.
I have fallen down this hole many times. I can put on the brave face and take care of the essential things. I will never stop working for my people. In some ways, it is a balm for my lonely Chad’Rasha. Always busy, even with the most trivial things. It keeps me from doing even less useful activities. As if playing knives or sitting in a bar drinking is a useful activity. There is so much more I should be doing, but instead I do the least useful. And then I am angry with myself for neglecting more important tasks.
Like telling my story. I have failed you, Dear Reader. For months I have been hiding in my work and neglecting this tome. Some of the tasks were very important, but others… they are the trivia that never needs to be done. They are the warm blanket you put over your head to ignore the monsters. As if the monsters go away because you hide from them. They wait for you, Dear Reader. They must only be patient. You cannot hide forever.
Sometimes they already are under the blanket with you.
I have no apology for my actions. Those who love me do not require it and, for the rest, no apology would be adequate. I merely explain my actions and my absence.
The Darkness within is the most insidious of all. It eats at you. It knows your weaknesses and can use them to devastating effect. It is the quiet monster under the blanket, mocking your attempts to be safe.
Like all Darkness, it can only be defeated by the light. For many years I relied on my friends to help me in times of Darkness. Pa’Koth, for all his flaws, was still a light bringer. He was the calm in my storm. He provided strength when I had none left of my own. His loss was immeasurable.
But he is gone. Lost in a way I cannot overcome.
Sometimes you are all alone in the Darkest hour. You must become your own strength. Your own beacon. It takes time and can strip you down to your very essence. You can become Lost a thousand times in the Dark. You may never escape. You must search for the light. It is inevitably harder than having someone bathe you in theirs. I only hope it is worth the price that is paid.
Thank you for your continued support. You, Dear Readers, humble me.