Category: narn

At least that is what I remember.  Since my mother and Pa’Koth were there I believed it needed to be recorded.

The first real thing I saw was G’Lan sleeping beside me.  He looked exhausted, drawn… old.  Rumpled like a leaf from last year.  He is… I don’t even know how old.  At that moment he was almost glowing.  No doubt because, with my dark deadened eyes, the whole room was glowing.  Glowing like the sky above us.  The universe in miniature was above our heads.  I looked around the room. From weeks of entrapment I found myself not moving.  Probably just as well.  Knowing my state, I probably wouldn’t be able to walk to the door.  I lifted a tentative hand to the ceiling as if I could reach the ceiling.  As if I could reach the sky.

“Holy One.” said a voice beside me.  I looked over to see a young Dur’Nara.  They looked at me in astonishment.  

“Greetings.  How long have I been here?”

Their response was to touch my head and my chest.  “You have returned to us.”

“I don’t know that I was that far away.”

“The mountain runs deep.  The heart of the mountain called to me.  I found you, Holy G’Quan.”

“Just G’Quan will do.”

“What may I do for thee?”

“Water and information would be fine.”  I put all my effort into sitting.  It was exhausting but I would not be weak.  I could not be weak.

“You have been gone for over a month, you fool.  The impetuosity of youth.” I heard in a growl.  “Did no  one ever teach you that the first thing is to not get caught?”

I smiled despite myself, “No, the old fool that taught me was too full of himself to teach that lesson.”

“He probably believed that you were bright enough to figure that out yourself.”

“Then who is the bigger fool?  The student for being caught, or the teacher who overestimated his intelligence?”

“Young G’Quan…” I was enveloped in his arms.  We held each other.   We were both crying.

I am home.

At least that is what I remember.  Since my mother and Pa’Koth were there I believed it needed to be recorded.

The first real thing I saw was G’Lan sleeping beside me.  He looked exhausted, drawn… old.  Rumpled like a leaf from last year.  He is… I don’t even know how old.  At that moment he was almost glowing.  No doubt because, with my dark deadened eyes, the whole room was glowing.  Glowing like the sky above us.  The universe in miniature was above our heads.  I looked around the room. From weeks of entrapment I found myself not moving.  Probably just as well.  Knowing my state, I probably wouldn’t be able to walk to the door.  I lifted a tentative hand to the ceiling as if I could reach the ceiling.  As if I could reach the sky.

“Holy One.” said a voice beside me.  I looked over to see a young Dur’Nara.  They looked at me in astonishment.  

“Greetings.  How long have I been here?”

Their response was to touch my head and my chest.  “You have returned to us.”

“I don’t know that I was that far away.”

“The mountain runs deep.  The heart of the mountain called to me.  I found you, Holy G’Quan.”

“Just G’Quan will do.”

“What may I do for thee?”

“Water and information would be fine.”  I put all my effort into sitting.  It was exhausting but I would not be weak.  I could not be weak.

“You have been gone for over a month, you fool.  The impetuosity of youth.” I heard in a growl.  “Did no  one ever teach you that the first thing is to not get caught?”

I smiled despite myself, “No, the old fool that taught me was too full of himself to teach that lesson.”

“He probably believed that you were bright enough to figure that out yourself.”

“Then who is the bigger fool?  The student for being caught, or the teacher who overestimated his intelligence?”

“Young G’Quan…” I was enveloped in his arms.  We held each other.   We were both crying.

I am home.


Thirteen meals I have eaten.  There is nothing left of me now.  Now I sink into the ground.  I am the One that was.  Another will come.  I can almost see him.  Maybe he will be able to tell G’Lan what befell me.  I hope they work well together and

Oh! I feel like I will become part of the stone.  The silence is absolute.  The darkness so full that I almost feel as if it has become lighter.  My eyes so attuned that I can now see the light in the darkness.

I am sinking into the light.   So this  this is what death is like?  Everything is at peace now.  Everything done.  

I am lying to myself.  There will be war again  The Darkness will come again.  The deed is not done.  I want to fight off the languor and claw my way back from the stone.  I don’t have the strength.

The Narn have to take their place in the Light once more.  They must do what needs to be done.  My child.  My child will be in the Nexus.  As I was a child of peace that fought a war.  My child will be a child of war that brings peace.  

I felt the tears on my face.  No strength to remove them as they pooled in my vents and trailed into the abyss.  Has Sava come to take her servant to her after all?  

I was so sure the gods were a lie we told ourselves.  Schrock! I would hate to discover my error at this point.

And I fell.  

Sturdy arms held me and the light was so bright.  “G’Quan” the voices say, reverently.  As if I were to be worshipped.  As if I had the answers.  

“I am only a Narn.” I murmur, dry lips, cracking.  My throat burns.

Voices mix.  Guttural utterances that I cannot follow.

“Pa’Koth?” I saw him.  But he has nothing to say.  He just looks at me with a knowing smile.  Saving me again, old friend?  I wanted to tell him my thanks.  Yet he disappears as those who carry me fly on with sure feet in the cavern.  I will tell him later, I assure myself.  

Water is pressed to my lips and I feel the trickle hit my dry tongue. It is only after more liquid is poured on my face that my throat feels any relief.  

I hear my mother singing.  Her voice is so sweet.  I fall into a dreamless sleep.


Thirteen meals I have eaten.  There is nothing left of me now.  Now I sink into the ground.  I am the One that was.  Another will come.  I can almost see him.  Maybe he will be able to tell G’Lan what befell me.  I hope they work well together and

Oh! I feel like I will become part of the stone.  The silence is absolute.  The darkness so full that I almost feel as if it has become lighter.  My eyes so attuned that I can now see the light in the darkness.

I am sinking into the light.   So this  this is what death is like?  Everything is at peace now.  Everything done.  

I am lying to myself.  There will be war again  The Darkness will come again.  The deed is not done.  I want to fight off the languor and claw my way back from the stone.  I don’t have the strength.

The Narn have to take their place in the Light once more.  They must do what needs to be done.  My child.  My child will be in the Nexus.  As I was a child of peace that fought a war.  My child will be a child of war that brings peace.  

I felt the tears on my face.  No strength to remove them as they pooled in my vents and trailed into the abyss.  Has Sava come to take her servant to her after all?  

I was so sure the gods were a lie we told ourselves.  Schrock! I would hate to discover my error at this point.

And I fell.  

Sturdy arms held me and the light was so bright.  “G’Quan” the voices say, reverently.  As if I were to be worshipped.  As if I had the answers.  

“I am only a Narn.” I murmur, dry lips, cracking.  My throat burns.

Voices mix.  Guttural utterances that I cannot follow.

“Pa’Koth?” I saw him.  But he has nothing to say.  He just looks at me with a knowing smile.  Saving me again, old friend?  I wanted to tell him my thanks.  Yet he disappears as those who carry me fly on with sure feet in the cavern.  I will tell him later, I assure myself.  

Water is pressed to my lips and I feel the trickle hit my dry tongue. It is only after more liquid is poured on my face that my throat feels any relief.  

I hear my mother singing.  Her voice is so sweet.  I fall into a dreamless sleep.


It appears that I will not starve to death today.  I heard voices outside the prison.   Harsh, sibilant then frightening.  I heard in the middle of the nonsense my name.  Clearly, repeatedly.  My name. They knew me.  

I was blinded by a light shining in my face.  I shielded my eyes, seeing nothing but blue afterglow. A black silhouette finally was visible behind the light.  The outline of a Narn.  Undeniably a Narn.  “Hello, G’Quan.” he smirked.  “Finally where you belong.  Our friends are quite interested in making your acquaintance.”.

I believe I recognized the voice.  Someone I knew.  Someone who would recognize me even now…  Could a member of the Kha’Ri be here?  Would one of them betray me to the Darkness?

“Nothing to say?  No eloquent speeches?  They will cut you into pieces, you know, to see what you are made of.  They think you are with the Enemy, but we know you are a useless blowhard.”

He left then.  Soon after some food and water was brought.  I had to make a decision.  To eat and worry of poison or die with food in my reach.  Obviously I chose to eat.  If they wanted to kill me, they wouldn’t need to bother with poison.  Just leave me a few more days…  It was strange in flavor.  I have no idea what it was.  It was edible and I haven’t died.  

I don’t think I want to meet his friends.  I am certain that it will go poorly for me.  Yet if I saw them myself…  would that mean I would go to their home?  Their world?

Would death and torture (probably in the opposite order) be a price worth paying for that experience?

Of course not.  What is the point of seeing the home of the Darkness if I cannot tell my fellow Narn and warn them?

The empty containers melted away leaving nothing.  Nothing to hold more liquid.  Nothing to count my days with.  Nothing to retrieve.  Nothing I could use to escape.  So very efficient.  It was enough to weep.  Though I refuse to show such weakness in front of these.

They are not the ones who battled me before.  They are not so black that they leave a hole in the light.  They are not the Soldiers of Darkness that we fought on the field.  They cannot enter my mind.  They cannot fight me except as one creature against another.  They may have weapons, but I have will and shall not give up.  

I must destroy this place.  I don’t know how it will come to pass at this moment.  I am alone in a way that I have never been alone before.  It is one of the most empty of feelings.  Fear looms large, gibbering in my mind.  Yet I keep my countenance clear.  I will plan.  I will escape.  

I will destroy this place.  I will destroy the Darkness.

But how?  That remains to be seen.


It appears that I will not starve to death today.  I heard voices outside the prison.   Harsh, sibilant then frightening.  I heard in the middle of the nonsense my name.  Clearly, repeatedly.  My name. They knew me.  

I was blinded by a light shining in my face.  I shielded my eyes, seeing nothing but blue afterglow. A black silhouette finally was visible behind the light.  The outline of a Narn.  Undeniably a Narn.  “Hello, G’Quan.” he smirked.  “Finally where you belong.  Our friends are quite interested in making your acquaintance.”.

I believe I recognized the voice.  Someone I knew.  Someone who would recognize me even now…  Could a member of the Kha’Ri be here?  Would one of them betray me to the Darkness?

“Nothing to say?  No eloquent speeches?  They will cut you into pieces, you know, to see what you are made of.  They think you are with the Enemy, but we know you are a useless blowhard.”

He left then.  Soon after some food and water was brought.  I had to make a decision.  To eat and worry of poison or die with food in my reach.  Obviously I chose to eat.  If they wanted to kill me, they wouldn’t need to bother with poison.  Just leave me a few more days…  It was strange in flavor.  I have no idea what it was.  It was edible and I haven’t died.  

I don’t think I want to meet his friends.  I am certain that it will go poorly for me.  Yet if I saw them myself…  would that mean I would go to their home?  Their world?

Would death and torture (probably in the opposite order) be a price worth paying for that experience?

Of course not.  What is the point of seeing the home of the Darkness if I cannot tell my fellow Narn and warn them?

The empty containers melted away leaving nothing.  Nothing to hold more liquid.  Nothing to count my days with.  Nothing to retrieve.  Nothing I could use to escape.  So very efficient.  It was enough to weep.  Though I refuse to show such weakness in front of these.

They are not the ones who battled me before.  They are not so black that they leave a hole in the light.  They are not the Soldiers of Darkness that we fought on the field.  They cannot enter my mind.  They cannot fight me except as one creature against another.  They may have weapons, but I have will and shall not give up.  

I must destroy this place.  I don’t know how it will come to pass at this moment.  I am alone in a way that I have never been alone before.  It is one of the most empty of feelings.  Fear looms large, gibbering in my mind.  Yet I keep my countenance clear.  I will plan.  I will escape.  

I will destroy this place.  I will destroy the Darkness.

But how?  That remains to be seen.

Вавилон 5: Г’Кар
Babylon 5: G’Kar

I found my feet following the old path to the ruined village today.  Everyone has moved away long ago.  The Darkness had destroyed their peaceful lives.  

Over my life I have wondered why the Darkness came to my world.  Why they wanted to destroy such an insignificant people.  We’re we meant for greatness in the future?  Maybe we only have the potential for greatness.  Perhaps that is enough in this time.  In this place.

The being that was my mother.  Was it an ally or an observer?  She rarely gave me advice.  Any useful advice.  Only puzzles.  Who was that one?  What did it want?  Why did it come to my world?

The more I think, the more questions I have.

There was no one in the village.  I had thought that people may have come here because it was empty.  It is even too empty to be used in desperation.  I felt drawn to the place of Darkness.  Maybe that is why people stay away. Even as a ruin it pulls you toward it.  Requiring your attention.

As I approached it I almost felt I could hear a murmur.  A hum of voices.  Could people have used the ruin as a shelter?  Why when the village itself was available?  My guard came up and my hand reached for my ka’toc.  I felt watched, but there was sudden silence. “Who is there?” I called.  I expected no response.  My expectations were met.

There were no Narn here.  

Age has taught me caution. I did not go in the breach.  Instead I stood like an idiot dodderer.  Unsure what I should do.

Heroes should never grow old.

I found my feet following the old path to the ruined village today.  Everyone has moved away long ago.  The Darkness had destroyed their peaceful lives.  

Over my life I have wondered why the Darkness came to my world.  Why they wanted to destroy such an insignificant people.  We’re we meant for greatness in the future?  Maybe we only have the potential for greatness.  Perhaps that is enough in this time.  In this place.

The being that was my mother.  Was it an ally or an observer?  She rarely gave me advice.  Any useful advice.  Only puzzles.  Who was that one?  What did it want?  Why did it come to my world?

The more I think, the more questions I have.

There was no one in the village.  I had thought that people may have come here because it was empty.  It is even too empty to be used in desperation.  I felt drawn to the place of Darkness.  Maybe that is why people stay away. Even as a ruin it pulls you toward it.  Requiring your attention.

As I approached it I almost felt I could hear a murmur.  A hum of voices.  Could people have used the ruin as a shelter?  Why when the village itself was available?  My guard came up and my hand reached for my ka’toc.  I felt watched, but there was sudden silence. “Who is there?” I called.  I expected no response.  My expectations were met.

There were no Narn here.  

Age has taught me caution. I did not go in the breach.  Instead I stood like an idiot dodderer.  Unsure what I should do.

Heroes should never grow old.

When I saw this trip in my mind’s eye it did not include G’Lan.

G’Lan and his old cart and his old urlot plodding along.  He is the old storyteller again.  And I am his foundling again.

I have been the Leader of the Kha’Ri most of my life.  I have led Narn into battle.  I have lived the majority of my life as an independent creature.  Why do I still find myself in a secondary role the moment I am with this Narn?

I suppose I envisioned something more of my youth.  Like the days when Pa’Koth and I travelled.  When the Union was young and the people scattered.  Now the people are ravaged by sickness, but they expect succor from the Union.  I must provide what I can and call those who are able to go to those who are in need.

I have stayed in this inn in Vas’Hon many times.  I stayed here when I first left my fragile government afraid of what might happen without my watchful eye.  I stayed here when the creatures attacked and we and the innkeeper fought for our lives. It is a convenient day’s travel from Vas’Noth.  

Vas’Hon’s very closeness is its asset and its loss.  So many of the sick stayed in this village.  Tonight I stay in the inn, but there is no innkeeper.  No warm hearth welcomed us.  The tareee was available but no bustling server brought it to me. We broached the keg ourselves. The stores had not been plundered. There are not even brigands available here.

Only corpses. I recognized the innkeeper.  She was still as sturdy as the day she fought with us so long ago against the creatures from the City of Darkness.  We burned all we found.  I Sang the Songs for the brave innkeeper.  She wouldn’t have turned them away.  Even if she knew it meant her life.  I wept for this village since so few who knew them were alive to do so.  

This I do remember from my previous trips.  Burning that which is diseased or misshaped.  This comes back to me like a nightmare.  Yet I am not that callow youth that traveled before.  I understand my role in this world more fully than I did then. Mine is the hard road.  The road others do not travel because it is hard and rocky and so many more pleasant roads beckon.  

At times I envy those who were horrified today.  I think back to my youth.  When I was horrified to come across a dead village.  Then it was G’Lan that lent me strength.  Now I realize it wasn’t strength at all.  That the fortitude he owned was only the will to not stop.  Because you couldn’t be weak.

So I organized teams and we cleansed the village.  We set the inn as headquarters and started our job, not as an act of charity but as an act of necessity.

It is still a nice little village area.  It is still a convenient day’s ride from Vas’Noth.  The people will come back.  We die, but Nar’Shal continues.